i was rollin on her like bob the builder
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
