I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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