I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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