When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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