im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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