It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids