The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize