so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
