You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
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Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
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I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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