just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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