dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
