girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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