Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize