it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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