His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize