So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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