STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
