Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
