I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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