I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
