He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
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He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
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I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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