I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
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you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
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Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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