If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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