So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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