Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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