Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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