My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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