need another drink. this is the easiest way
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
