We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
