I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
