I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
