According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
