do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
