Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Someone came in the potted fern
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?