It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?