I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT