don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.