Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize