And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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