I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize