I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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