For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
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Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
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she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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