Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
