Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
