How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
