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All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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