Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
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Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
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yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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