dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize