Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
