Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
