no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences In Dating Men And Women
3pm strippers are depressing
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life