every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.