you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.