I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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