Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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