My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast