We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.