Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Drunk is a universal language darling