It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think he fucked my hip out of place.